i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
