I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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