the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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