Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
