I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
