i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
