The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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