dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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