the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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