he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
