you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
