The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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