I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
