I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?