i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
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So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered