On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.