she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.