Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback