I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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