I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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