Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
