im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
