I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
