you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
