I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
