I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
