I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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