White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize