Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
