could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
