I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
