shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This gyro tastes like lonliness
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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