What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
