I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
