margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
