similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
