He is an equal opportunity slut.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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