1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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