I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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