I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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