Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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