I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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