Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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