i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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