I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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