end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
