I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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