i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
