Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i now understand why vodka
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
