I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
