You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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