so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
