remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
