Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
