I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
