You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
