i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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