i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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