That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
