you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
