I look better un-naked...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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