Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
