So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
