So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
