Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
