I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
