So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
