As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
