hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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