my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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